Letter to my father

Dear Dad,

You've been gone for 22 years now so this letter is overdue. I've had 22 years of living life to realize how fortunate I was to have you and mom for parents. I want to apologize for any criticisms I may have made to and about you and mom when you were living. Not many days pass that I don't think to myself what good people you were and how you tried so hard to impart your wisdom and goodness to me. While I was extremely lucky to have you as a role-model Dad, you set the bar pretty high. Most days I don't feel like I measure up. Yes, I realize that we are different people and that times and circumstances are also different, but I cannot help admire you. I feel like if only I had a fraction of your wisdom, patience, intellect, discipline, practical-common-sense, know-how and a myriad of other attributes I would be a giant of a man. Instead I fumble and struggle and often times fall short of the high standard that you set. A dozen times a year I curse myself for not paying more attention or being around when you were doing some boring, mundane and ultimately very important to the care and maintenance of our family home or automobile. I thank my lucky stars for the times I was there and paid attention. Daily I realize how your "cheap-skate" ways and bargain hunting were tremendous skills that I simply do not possess. I wish I was half as frugal and careful with my money as you and mom were with yours. I can remember deriding that ethic and thinking it was unnecessary. I realize now that you were so right about money and a dozen other subjects. You were right about saving money, debt, the value of doing things yourself and a host of other related topics which I now find myself confronted with in a very real way. Again I curse myself for not paying closer attention and at the same time I am so glad for the parts of those lessons that I did internalize. I am not where I wanted to be at this point in my life, but I'm further along than many of my peers. Thanks again Dad.

I used to think you weren't a very good father in some ways, you seemed so distant most of my life. I realize now you were preoccupied with the serious business of providing for mom and all of us kids. I know you didn't have much of a leg up in this mean old world and that you didn't have your own father as a guide and mentor. Again my apologies. Thanks for reaching out to me as a teenager. I think I know that you knew you needed to do it and it helped a lot. I knew you cared in your own way and you had to juggle me as a priority among many priorities. You seemed to know that I needed your firm but friendly guidance in those years and unlike my brothers, I never felt a need to prove myself by challenging you. Not sure why it worked out that way, but I am glad it did. I remember living in fear of your judgement and I was terrified if I did something wrong but in fact, you were usually very patient and loving with me, and at the time while it seemed harsh, you were probably better with me than I've been with my own child. I am ashamed of myself when I think of how I felt for so long that you were so hard, when in fact you tolerated my many mistakes and transgressions with very few consequences equal of the offense. Thanks for being easy on me Dad. Again, I think you knew me better than I knew me.

Thanks for showing me the value of hard work, but putting it in perspective with the rest of my life. I realize I am so lucky that while you were an industrious person, you were never a workaholic. Thank you for teaching me about labor and about the labor movement, while I've never been in a labor union, having things explained to me about the importance of labor was helpful in understanding the world or work and my place in it. Dad, while you were never much of a "roadmap" when it came to my career you did give me good general advice and it is still true today. Be skilled, be in demand. They were words of wisdom I tried to heed. Thank you for giving me that advice when I asked for it.

Dad, I'd be lying if I told you I felt like a smashing success these days. I don't. In fact I feel quite the opposite, but the success I have had, I attribute a great deal of it to the things I was taught by you and mom.

Dad, I'm also grateful for how you and mom always stayed out of my romantic affairs. Thanks for having faith that I could seek the right person out. I did. I think many of the things that you demonstrated and taught me were extremely valuable in this regard, but again the bar was set high and it was not easy to achieve.

There are many more things I would like to say in this letter but time doesn't permit. I tell my wife all the time, if I were half the man you were I'd be a colossus in my own estimation. While I'm not happy with my own performance, I keep trying to get better, even now that I'm over the hill. I thank you for that too Dad. You are still the gold standard for me in so many ways. Oh and by the way, I've missed you and mom for these last couple of decades. I know it's just the way things worked out. I would give much to hear your voices again and see you two. I am consoled by my wife, another pillar of strength in my life. She has helped to keep me strong when I was getting weak. She's buoyed me up when I was sinking and all this and she's pretty and smart too. Let mom know that I did well that way.

Love,

Your son