A Son's Admiration For His Father

I am middle-aged and have been for a while now. The thing that strikes me most is that I'm afraid if I have acquired any wisdom, it doesn't feel different to me. I'm certainly more careful about things, and perhaps that's how wisdom manifests itself. I don't feel "wiser" or necessarily "smarter" but I'll say this, I realize how very wise my own father was. As each day, week, month and year passes, I realize how wise, courageous, strong and yes fallible my own father was. Most days I wish I was half the man he was. My father would be in his early 80s if he were living, I can only imagine what he would have been like. I feel like I was briefly tested this year and I feel like I came out wanting. My own father would have been far more prepared for what happened to me this year, than I was. It was an object lesson in such things. My father was fiercely independant, conservative (in the good sense of the word not politically) and he wasn't afraid to face his troubles squarely. Either that or he missed his calling and could have been an Oscar winning actor.

My father laid out a very good example for me, many things I have tried to emulate, some things didn't seem to work and others still seemed to work better than I gave them credit for initially. In a way I am glad he wasn't here to see me in that dark hour to see how I held up. I am fortunate that I got through but I was less than pleased with myself with how I got through. I am resolved not to be in a similar place in the future. Sometimes we don't realize how fortunate we are, I have good family that was willing to help me in my hour of need, all part of the lesson. I've also learned over the last several years, we don't have as many good friends as we might think and that we're lucky if have any at all. It really is a bit of a cold, cruel world.